Tim
First of all, you're a brave soul to tackle this subject openly. You'll find various opinions on the subject since there is no definitive answer to the questions at hand.
You say you've had DCI doing everything "right". There is no "right", just reduced risk on saturation points on a graph. Tolerances of nitrogen loading vary from physique to fitness, as well as external factors like temperature and even luck. There's no safety line on the graph if you don't go past a certain point of saturation per time table, you'll be 100% safe. Like you say, it can be a random event to get hit, where several nitrogen microbubbles colliding to form a bigger bubble in a location where it get gets jammed. But if you have fewer bubbles in tight spaces like bone patelets etc, the chances are reduced. Nobody has done conclusive studies on children's growing bones and how they react to nitrogen saturation but there are studies about the physiological impacts of diving. it is conclusive there are long term physiological changes that manifest on the bodies of adults who dive regularly (esp in cold water and deeper dives). Of course as adults, we choose to (or for quite a few, are ignorant) to accept these damages for the reward of diving for whatever reason. A lot of things are bad for us and we still do them. As adults we feel we can handle the challenges and consequences of diving.
However, when it comes to children, who although probably better at learning and absorbing facts, may not process them correctly. Ask any child psychologist about the maturity of children even in their mid teens and they will say the same thing, they are NOT functioning adults. Don't want to take the word of "a medical field made up to prey on weak minds?" Ask yourselves how you behaved as a teen and how many times you did so many stupid things even though you "knew" better? To expect a child to process information correctly, when even many adults can't, is unfair on the child.
That ex DAN president has a vested interest in diving as DAN would not exist if there were no divers. He may know many people who dived from 4 and lived to be "safe and healthy" adults, but I'd rather trust statements from people who actually do the research than anecdotal evidence from a guy with vested interest in expanding diving. To me any man in such a position who makes such a broad defining statement without actual proof besides his anecdotal observations, doesn't deserve any credibility.
Ultimately, CJ is your child and you will do as you see fit. And I'm sure you would never put him in harm's way. I hope you don't think this is a personal attack or someone trying to tell you how to raise your kid. I think it's important to consider as many facts as possible in making a decision.
My own anecdotal experience is based on a guy who was a professor of metallurgy, prometheus society member and diver for 12 years. As he was ascending from 40m, he felt pain in his ear. Following his training, he kept trying to clear his ear by pinching and blowing. He eventually blew out his ear. He could recite Boyle's law inside out but he couldn't apply it at depth cos he was narced and by the time he got shallow enough to think straight, the pummeling of his training took over. His simple cure? He should've pinched and sucked in! Fortunately I learnt that very early in my diving life so it's stuck. If suffering from ear pain while a) Descending... pinch and blow; b) ascending... pinch and suck! Everyone on the boat had forgotten that simple rule, and they were all adults.