Lets Have Some Jokes

Thought we should have a joke post....keep them clean though I suppose.

Where do you find a dog with one leg?

Where you left it.

....keep them clean though I suppose.

Oh well...

Oh i know ... Mr Buxtons Sealux housing... Nows theres a real joke...

Dive safe

DeanB

What do you get when you mix an EX1, a Mac Book Pro with Final Cut and DeanB?

Nothing!

i am so mean

What do you get if you cross an apple with a nun? A comuter that won't go down on you!

(Well, it's sort of clean)

What do you get when you mix an EX1, a Mac Book Pro with Final Cut and DeanB?

 

Nothing!

 

 

i am so mean

Now Mike that was funny......

Where do you find the head lights on a submarine?

in the head ;-)

Bob

What do you get when you mix an EX1, a Mac Book Pro with Final Cut and DeanB?

 

 

 

 

Nothing!

 

 

i am so mean

Mikey your sooooo yesterday... all up and running ... Funny tho

Dive safe

DeanB

Now Mike that was funny......

Now now Amphibico boy... No need to be childish...

Dive safe

DeanB

Two (insert nationality here) divers sat in a boat... One turns to the other and says "why is it we always roll backwards off the RIB' the other turns and says "You idiot, if we rolled forwards we'd be still in the bloody boat" ...

How many people does it take to circumcise a whale??? ... Four skin divers.

Two divers go spear fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.

The first one says, "I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish."

The other answers, "Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot."

"You idiot!" cries the first, "How do you know we will get the same boat tomorrow?"

A diver was shipwrecked up onto a lonely and tropical shore. As he stood up he noticed his hands were purple, he looked at his feet and they were purple, worriedly he unzipped his wetsuit and his chest and stomach were purple. With his head in his hands he cried, "Oh my God!, I’ve been marooned!"

Dive safe

DeanB

I've got tons of jokes, just none I can publish on a public forum.

I've got tons of jokes, just none I can publish on a public forum

Aw hell, just label the thread NWS and then we can do anything - right ?

Paul C

A vicar books into a hotel, and says to the receptionist. " I hope the porn channel is disabled " the blonde receptionist replies " no it is normal porn you perv "

Thought we should have a joke post....keep them clean though I suppose.

 

Where do you find a dog with one leg?

Where you left it.

Well if it is those types of jokes -

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?"

Tesco installed a new medical machine that for £5 and a urine sample would diagnose any condition. When Paddy went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read " you have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid work for 2 weeks ". Impressed Paddy wondered if he could fool the machine. The next day he mixed tapwater with dog poo, urine samples from his daughter and wife, then pleasured himself into the mixture. When he tipped it into the machine the next day, the printout read " 1. your tapwater is too hard, use softener. 2. your dog has ringworm, give it antibiotics. 3. your daughter is on cocaine, get her to re hab. 4. your wife is expecting twins. its not yours get a lawyer. 5 if you keep playing with yourself your elbow wont get better ! thank you for shopping at Tesco "

I got thrown out of my local pub quiz last night. The question was . Q Which famous castle suffered smoke damage in the early eighties.

Roy was not the correct answer.

A Pacific cruise ship sinks and only 3 survive. David, Darren and Daisy. They swim to a small uninhabited island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with David and Darren so she kills herself. Sad for David and Darren but they get over it and again nature takes its course. After a couple more years the lads feel really bad about what they have been doing, so they bury her.

I got thrown out of my local pub quiz last night. The question was . Q Which famous castle suffered smoke damage in the early eighties.

 

Roy was not the correct answer.

Wrong in so many ways...

3 men chatting in the bar the day after a huge session... 1st says " christ i was so drunk last night it took me 2 hours to walk home and i live 3 doors away" Second says "Thats nothing i was sooo pissed i took a hooker home and introduced her to my wife !!?" ... "Thats sod all" said the third "I was sooo wazzed when i got home i spent all night blowing chunks" the other two looked at him an said "what's wrong with that?" the third said " you don't understand, chunks is my dog!!!"

Dive safe

DeanB

Oh boy, the thread is heading into the gutter quickly...well actually slower than I expected consdiering some of the denizens

All heck will break loose when Simon and Mike get wind of this

Well if it is those types of jokes -

 

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "Why the long face?"

Along with that one....a bear walks into a bar and says "Bartender........I would like......a..........................drink" The bartender replies, "sure but why the big pause?"

Bob

Along with that one....a bear walks into a bar and says "Bartender........I would like......a..........................drink" The bartender replies, "sure but why the big pause?"

 

Bob

Ouch. Well done, and it even worked with typing on the internet